Most Un-eventful

Today, today was the most un-eventful day in a long time. At first I was not going to write anything because nothing has happened, but then I decided to post anything, something that came to mind. So I will share with you a bit of good feedback I got today.

I must be learning something at work, which is a good thing, for I action-ed on asking for additional QA resources for our project. This may not be a big thing for most people,but it is a big thing for me. This is the first time I was pro-active on something instead of reactive.

I'm still nervous as this still requires me to leave my bubble, to step up and ask for something needed instead of waiting until my superiors notice and ask me to action on it. Small steps is all I need.

I also managed to speak up and ask questions during both poker planning/ sprint planning meetings today instead of sitting there lost in thought and waiting until later to ask. Next step is to discuss with the Designer of the project to increase the description on the user story criteria so it actually shows design and not ambiguous design hopes. I still have a ways to go to step up/own up and grow into my position.

I have never felt like I have made it into the game industry, yet I have. I still feel like the 20 year old fresh out of college not knowing how to get a job and I think it's because of my contracting company. I never needed an interview, there is really no reward for hard service, the only thing they mostly have to show for hard work is that I get to keep a job.

Until I can get into a place with out being in my current contracting company, is the day I will see myself as a professional, but so far I've been put into temp positions until someone the contractors want fill the position. I guess I feel I will only always be a temporary person. I have the skills to fill the position, but there is something there that people don't want to critique and let me grow. So I sit in a position, do my best to fly a plane, ask how I'm doing, and have the instructor look out the window and say "You're doing good, just keep doing what you're doing" as he hides the fact he is grabbing a parachute and getting ready to jump just in case the real pilot doesn't comeback in time for the crash.

So I find myself filling many different roles, mostly on the same project, never really filling out and growing but pushed out. So it was nice to actually get solid praise, not just a pat on the back saying i'm doing good, but actual solid feedback on exactly what I did that was good. Though I still do not know entirely what questions to ask.

So that is a win for me and that leaves my day a little brighter.

Beginning Going well

Well,

Today marks the 3rd short story I've written. They seem to be getting darker and darker.

The first one, Glacial Life, is about the loneliness and the hardships bestowed upon us and how we grown and learn to deal with them. We don't change them, we adapt to them. The feeling of powerlessness and how, from my perspective, we just learn to accept and live how we have always known to live. I find that this not only reflects me, but many of the people I work with and live with.

The second short story, Cycle of Humanity, shows how we grow and learn. Again from my perspective. Many of us learn to resist what is forced upon us. And in resisting and never forgiving, we soon do onto others as was done onto us. This happens even without us even knowing that this is even happening. We try so hard not to become our parents or teachers that we end up becoming them. We lie to ourselves far too many times to be able to see what we are actually doing.

The third story, (Todays post because I forgot to post it yesterday) Deceit, shows how we believe our own destinies and ambitions. It is a bit more risqué, but it does show the point that we believe what we are doing, without a shadow of a doubt, is the right thing. We do not ask enough questions about ourselves and we believe that we will always be doing what the world needs of us. if we accept more points of view and criticism, we will avoid many atrocities that will befall our character.

Three different stories, three different perspectives, all my opinions. This is what I have seen in people and, most eye opening, myself.

As I watch people and learn about myself through this exercise, I'm pretty sure more things of personal nature will arise. I ask all those who read this. Look at yourself and the world around you. Ask questions everyday about yourself and your situation. Answer will arise and you will, for the most part, become better people for it.

forgive everyone, know the lies you tell yourself and strive to better yourself spiritually.