Most Un-eventful

Today, today was the most un-eventful day in a long time. At first I was not going to write anything because nothing has happened, but then I decided to post anything, something that came to mind. So I will share with you a bit of good feedback I got today.

I must be learning something at work, which is a good thing, for I action-ed on asking for additional QA resources for our project. This may not be a big thing for most people,but it is a big thing for me. This is the first time I was pro-active on something instead of reactive.

I'm still nervous as this still requires me to leave my bubble, to step up and ask for something needed instead of waiting until my superiors notice and ask me to action on it. Small steps is all I need.

I also managed to speak up and ask questions during both poker planning/ sprint planning meetings today instead of sitting there lost in thought and waiting until later to ask. Next step is to discuss with the Designer of the project to increase the description on the user story criteria so it actually shows design and not ambiguous design hopes. I still have a ways to go to step up/own up and grow into my position.

I have never felt like I have made it into the game industry, yet I have. I still feel like the 20 year old fresh out of college not knowing how to get a job and I think it's because of my contracting company. I never needed an interview, there is really no reward for hard service, the only thing they mostly have to show for hard work is that I get to keep a job.

Until I can get into a place with out being in my current contracting company, is the day I will see myself as a professional, but so far I've been put into temp positions until someone the contractors want fill the position. I guess I feel I will only always be a temporary person. I have the skills to fill the position, but there is something there that people don't want to critique and let me grow. So I sit in a position, do my best to fly a plane, ask how I'm doing, and have the instructor look out the window and say "You're doing good, just keep doing what you're doing" as he hides the fact he is grabbing a parachute and getting ready to jump just in case the real pilot doesn't comeback in time for the crash.

So I find myself filling many different roles, mostly on the same project, never really filling out and growing but pushed out. So it was nice to actually get solid praise, not just a pat on the back saying i'm doing good, but actual solid feedback on exactly what I did that was good. Though I still do not know entirely what questions to ask.

So that is a win for me and that leaves my day a little brighter.

Aquarium Art

Yesterday was a beautiful day, the sun was shining, the skies were blue, and the temperature was in the 20's. That is Celsius for those american folks. We don't need people thinking I'm enjoying a hot beautiful day of 20 degrees Fahrenheit.

With nothing on my schedule but to play some video games, I instead opted to clean and redesign my aquarium tank. As it is a 20 gallon tank, there is not a lot of room to maneuver things - but I do believe I am getting better than my previous attempts. Like every skill, the more one practices and makes it the best their skill can accomplish, they will improve. This would be my fourth attempt at designing an aquarium and I will say that this one is head over heals better than any other one I attempted.

I present to you, the beauty the now resides at the foot of my bed that my girlfriend and I stare at until we drift off into the comforting realm of sleep.

The Need for Support

I've come to the conclusion that I need career advice. I have no Idea as to where I am going and where my heading is. I used to have a goal and a heading, but that was blatantly shot in the foot.

Needless to say, the support group that helped me move up has moved on. Those that had a plan for me and with me have long since left and I am stranded in a position where I don't have my 'Yang'. I am only half as effective without my 'Yang'.

I can clarify about my 'Yang'. That 'Yang' was a co-worker and friend of mine, Mike Palmer. During my early years in QA it was me and him supporting development. We sat next to each other and supported each other. If I didn't know something, Palmer would know and vice versa. We learned our weaknesses and learned from them and so we grew and took on more responsibilities. My weaknesses weren't always my weaknesses as we would share knowledge and fill the gaps in our skills.

Needless to say, he moved into another team and started setting up shop and success there while I moved into a profession completely alien to me. He stayed in his support base and knowledge base, I moved into a position I knew I wanted to go into but had absolutely no idea what I was doing or what was needed of me. I also had no support base. Every mistake was a glaring sore, every under performance was treated and inspected as a bacterial infection. I had no clue that I had no chance and no one took me to the side and told me what I should be doing, well not until it was far too late. I was told I was not allowed to stay in the position then they told me what was wrong and went that was that.

I slaved for hours to the best of my knowledge, being grotesquely underpaid, all in the hopes of being hired full time. This was to no avail. I did what was needed of me then pushed out the door. I moved from QA to Development, then back to QA. I had no real choice. No one was even looking at my resume, I never even got my foot into an interview position. (I can probably blame my crappy networking skills for that.)

I had no choice but to move back into QA, but with my senority and what I thought were my skills sets, I moved into a more project manager position. I may be able to do the job, I like the team, but I have no passion for the position; and this affects my performance. I commonly find myself not knowing what questions need to be asked and sometimes get caught in a reactionary for instead of a proactive form.

Long story short, I need career advice on how to find another 'Yang' or how I can improve without one, because as of right now, I am listless and lost; aimlessly wandering through the position trying not to fail the team. This, some may agree, is not the best situation to be in.

I must remain positive though, and with that note....